Take the Pain
by Nopride4531
Summary: After what he did in 7x17, Castiel now has to live with the side effects in the Mental Hospital.  But a visit from an old friend makes dealing with everything a lot easier. One shot, no slash. Rated T for memories of hell and language.


**Okay so this was written after last night's episode of Supernatural, a.k.a, Castiel's return. One shot, no slash. Takes place after 3x17 "The Born Again Identity." Contains spoilers for the episode. Don't read if you haven't seen it yet.**

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><p>Castiel sat against the white hospital bed, absently looking at his hands. All of the things he'd done. Heaven's civil war, siding with Crowley, killing Rachel and Balthazar, breaking down Sam's wall, opening Purgatory; they all kept adding up. But what hurt him the most was simply knowing that he'd betrayed two of the best friends he'd ever had. Dean had trusted, even saved his life a couple of times, yet Castiel had still betrayed him.<p>

But now he could at least attempt to make it right.

He knew what shifting Sam's memories of Hell into himself could do; was fully aware of the consequences that came with it. Lucifer was relentless. He never had to rest, never had to stop. He could do whatever he wanted for as long as he wanted. The fact that Castiel was his brother didn't change a thing, nor would it ever. But that was okay. If it paid for even a fraction of his mistakes, then it was worth it.

"So damn righteous, Brother. It makes me sick."

Castiel winced and turned his head slightly away from the direction the voice was coming from. He knew that Lucifer would be grinning at him, showing off the snake's tongue or perhaps something new. Castiel was far beyond caring. The dark shadows underneath his eyes marked all the sleepless nights due to the Devil's taunts. Part of Castiel's mind that wasn't taken over registered the fact that he shouldn't need sleep. But Lucifer always had an odd affect on everything; sleep was probably one of them.

"Oh come on," the Devil chuckled. "I'm not_ that_ bad."

Castiel slowly leaned back against the pillows, desperately trying to shut out his brother's voice, but failing.

"Oh don't tune me out like poor little Sammy tried to. We all know how that ended," Lucifer pointed his thumb toward the ground and made a whistling noise. "And besides, it could be worse. You're lucky that I'm not Raphael. He would be _far_ less nice to you than I am."

Castiel shifted his eyes to finally look at the fallen angel. Once upon a time, he'd been his family. Sure it wasn't like the families humans had on Earth, but it'd been a family all the same. Something told Castiel that Lucifer missed those days as well, although he was really good at hiding it. Something told him that they'd both give anything to have things go back to the way they'd been. Anything.

But those days were long gone and all he could do was feel the pain.

"I just want to know why," he finally said, not caring that if anyone walked by his room, they would think he was talking to himself. "Why did you do it?"

"I'm assuming you mean fall," Lucifer smiled. "If I'm not mistaken, brother, you did as well."

"At least I fell with nobility… Where was yours?"

Images suddenly flashed through Castiel's mind, causing him to clench his teeth and pull at his hair. Meat hooks, rotten flesh, maggots and worms flooded his mind. And blood. So much blood. Everything was there. He could feel it all. He could feel the meat hooks in his flesh, smell the rotting carcasses of unfortunate souls, and see the maggots and worms eating their way through each victim. But the feel of blood, both his own and other's, against his skin was the strongest sensation of all.

"You're forgetting that I make the rules now, little brother. You might want to think about that before you start mouthing off."

The images doubled in intensity. Then they tripled. Then quadrupled. Castiel was vaguely aware that his body was shaking uncontrollably on the bed, vaguely aware of the panicked voices now pouring into the room.

"He's seizing! Someone help with the straps! You! Go get me sedatives, stage four. On the double, let's move it!"

Leather was pulled tightly around his wrists, torso, knees, and ankles, but all he could feel was blood. All he could see was blood. It blurred the doctors' faces and blurred the room around him.

"Hold him down! God damn it, where are those sedatives?"

Blood blood blood.

"Doctor!"

Blood hooks blood.

"Okay. This is all we can give him without the dosage being lethal."

Blood. Darkness. Blood. Maggots. Blood… Darkness… Bl-

Darkness.

But even that wasn't peaceful. It wasn't anything at all.

It was almost worse than Sam's memories.

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><p>Castiel knew that he had to be dreaming. It didn't make any sense. He shouldn't be feeling his presence. What's<p>

dead should stay dead, right?

But that wasn't the case.

And at that point, he didn't really care anymore. Instead, he coughed a little and slightly opened his eyes.

"B'lthzr," he muttered, aware that he sounded as if he were drunk.

"Ah so you recognize me first try, eh? I'm honored, really. It took you several hours to recognize Dean," Balthazar said with a smile.

"How'r you…"

"Did you honestly think that I didn't know you were planning on killing me when you called?"

"I…"

"Yes, yes, I know, you stabbed me. In the back at that… Bloody coward's shot, I must say. Anyways, I didn't give you _all_ of the weapons. There was one in particular that I held on to. The Elixir of Solomon. It temporarily makes an angel invincible. I've already faked my death once and I figured I could do it again and get away with it."

"Man, what a douche," Lucifer said from his seat in the corner of the room and Castiel's eyes jumped over to him, widening considerably as his breath caught in his throat.

Balthazar noted his brother's expression and looked over his shoulder, only to find nothing. Sighing, he turned around again and saw Castiel struggling against his restraints.

"Hey, easy Cas. Relax. Nothing's there," he said as he gently pushed him back on the bed.

"But he is!" Castiel exclaimed, struggling some more.

And then the images crashed into his brain again.

Wincing, Castiel whipped his head back and forth as the room changed and he was back in the cage. He was on the racks again, only this time, the maggots were working their way into _his_ flesh instead of others'. The pain was unbearable and he cried out, not caring who heard. He couldn't see Balthazar anymore and that scared him more than anything. If he wasn't there, then maybe he was dead after all. Perhaps Castiel really had been dreaming.

But this thought was proven wrong as the images subsided and Castiel could once again see his brother and the hospital room. Dimly, he realized that Balthazar's hand was on his forehead, which probably explained why the images went away so quickly. Slowly, Castiel looked around the room, searching for Lucifer, but finding that the Devil had vanished.

"You need to rest," Balthazar said. "It's been too much for you to handle."

"He's there every time I close my eyes."

"I know. I can keep him out for a while. Not forever, but long enough for you to get some sleep."

"…You won't leave?"

"Never again."

That was all Castiel needed to hear. After a few minutes, he felt himself slowly sinking into unconsciousness and for once, it was undisturbed.

Balthazar sighed and pulled up a chair next to his brother's bedside. He leaned back against the wall, eyes wandering around the room. Finally, they settled on the corner where Lucifer had first appeared.

"I know you're there, you bastard. And if you don't leave him alone, I'll kill you."

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><p><strong>I miss Balthazar so much and I refuse to believe that he's dead. After all, they didn't show the wing shot, right? Anyways, I hope you liked it!<strong>


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